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funniest tweets

"If you want to piss off a toddler just tell him he’s tired."
"My husband wants to make cauliflower crust pizza so now I have to run to the grocery store and find a new husband."
"Sent my husband to the store and then turned off my phone because it’s time to teach independence."
We could all use a laugh. Here are people's observations about video calls during the coronavirus pandemic.
"I miss three-times-a-year-at-a-party acquaintances most of all."
"Being the first to fall asleep at night is such a marriage flex."
"Little kids only want to be independent when you’re running late."
"I just think if I chewed lava quick enough it wouldn’t be too bad."
"You can use chicken strips as money that is why they are called tender."