There are some things you should just never say to a mother.
I'm not gonna lie, some of these questions I've been guilty of asking myself. And sure, between close friends it's not that bad. But when people I hardly know or complete strangers say and ask these things, it's pretty annoying and sometimes just downright intrusive or presumptuous.
"Where are your kids?"
This one is my favourite for sure. Every single time I am without my kids, at the supermarket, at a beauty appointment or even at work, people ask me where the kids are. Does anyone ask Dad that? No, never. But why is it so hard to believe the kids are NOT with me? Do people assume the worst? What do people expect me to say? "Ummm... in the car, duh? The window's cracked!" or "Oh crap, I forgot them!!"
"You look tired."
No s**t, Sherlock! I haven't slept for about three years.
Not only is it a backhanded way of telling me I look like shit, when you become a mum -- whether your kids sleep through or not -- your body becomes attuned to waking up to the slightest sounds. And sometimes you just wake up and think about all the mum shit you gotta do because mum brains are pretty much incapable of switching off anyway.
"Are you going to try for a boy?"
I don't know why people think that because you have one gender, you want the other. I love having girls. I'd have 500 more and have no desire to have a boy. But if I had one, then so be it. I'd be happy with that, too.
"Are you still breastfeeding?"
I know this one annoys me both as a mother who has breastfed and bottle fed. Who cares? Why does it even matter? The baby is being fed, that's all that matters. How I choose to feed my child in no way defines me as a parent or makes me any better or worse than the next.
"Do you feel like you missed out?"
As a 'younger' mum (I had my first child at 23 -- not even that young) people ask me shit like this all the time. I was one of the first of my friendship group to get married and have kids, but not for a second do I feel I 'missed out' on anything.
Everyone is different, and their perfect time to start a family is different. I also suggest you don't ask things like "Was it planned?" unless you want to be punched.
"How do you do it?"
Do what? I don't even get it. Trust me, I do not know how I do it either. Please don't assume I know what I'm doing, or that I'm doing it better than you or someone else... I don't need that kind of pressure or expectation.
I'm just winging 'it', there is no method to my 'it' -- just wine!