20/07/2016 11:42 AM AEST | Updated 20/07/2016 1:02 PM AEST

I Wish Pokémon would GO Away

Kindly take your Abras and Kadabras and just disappear.

"I wish they’d all just look where they were Pokémon GO-ing."
AFP/Getty Images
"I wish they’d all just look where they were Pokémon GO-ing."

Pokémon GO has invaded my privacy... and I don't even play. Forget your paranoid fears of the phenomenon being a CIA data-mining tool. The game's real intrusion into our lives is much more obvious, immediate and annoying than that.

It seems everywhere I go, people around me are on their endless quest to level up. Meanwhile, the rest of us have become a hapless cast of Poké-props in their augmented reality. It's ubiquitous and inescapable.

For example, I prefer to walk our dog in the quiet of the evening. Mainly because my inbred product of a puppy farm has never been embraced by the regular posse of pooch lovers down at my local dog park. Now, at 9pm, the place is teeming with people pointing their phones in all directions, taking a Krabby while their unattended dogs do much the same.

Then there's my regular run through nearby bushland. Up until a week ago, I'd probably only encounter a handful of other people out enjoying the beauty of our national parks. But now, at every turn, I'm literally running into groups of people out Spearow-spotting. As this article points out, it's great that these people are now up from their chairs and discovering the great outdoors. I only wish they'd all just look where they were Pokémon GO-ing.

Not even on public transport -- that most passionately defended bastion of personal space -- am I spared. Only this morning my space-bubble was burst when the commuter beside me turned to capture a Pokémon that had apparently come to rest on my lap. Now, someone pointing their phone in that direction is disconcerting at the best of times, but 8am on the the 144 is definitely a no-Pokémon GO zone.

Much has also been said of the inappropriateness of some of the locations incorporated into the game. The use of cemeteries in particular has provoked some outrage. But I can't think of a place better suited to a gathering of people forever trapped in a kind of limbo.

I just wish these Pokémon GO-ers would accept that, unlike them, I never signed up for any of this nonsense. So please, could you kindly take your Abras and Kadabras and just disappear.