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We Rank All 16 NRL Mascots By Their Creepiness

Each one creepier than the next.

02/03/2017 1:26 PM AEDT | Updated 02/03/2017 5:21 PM AEDT
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Aaaarggghhhh! KILL THAT THING WITH FIRE!

The NRL starts on Thursday night and just like all those "experts", we have absolutely no idea who's going to win. We do, however, know which mascots are the creepiest. The answer? Pretty much all of them.

WARNING: This story contains content which will give your children nightmares, and probably you too. We'll start with one or two of the nice ones to ease you in. Here goes.

16. Timmy the Tiger -- Wests Tigers*
Timmy's almost cute. We'd let our kids high-five him too.

Weststigers.com.au
He's about as fearsome as his football team has been in recent seasons. As in: not very.

15. Bluey the cattledog -- North Qld Cowboys
An actual cowboy would have been super creepy. But this guy is loveable.

Ian Hitchcock via Getty Images

14. Scorch -- St George Illawarra Dragons
Dragons should be scary. This thing just makes you feel vaguely depressed.

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Barney the purple dinosaur has a massive crush on this guy.

13. Sparky -- Parramatta Eels
It's almost cuddly, which is saying something for a slimy mud-dweller.

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We took this shot at the 2017 NRL launch. Nothing disgraceful occurred, which is remarkable for anything connected with Parramatta.

12. Brutus -- Canterbury Bulldogs
It's more ugly than creepy, but the creep-o-meter is definitely starting to beep.

Matt King via Getty Images
Fangs for the love, guys.

11. Storm Man -- Melbourne Storm
There is a word for this and that word is "dweeb".

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We're pretty sure that's Cameron smith in there.

10. Blade -- Cold Coast Titans
Looks like your average Gold Coast bouncer, and it doesn't get much creepier than that.

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The original proposal to nickname him 'Roid Man' was knocked back.

9. Buck -- Brisbane Broncos
Is that ridiculous pink hair tuft supposed to be a mane? Why does this horse have fur?

Bradley Kanaris via Getty Images
The Broncos also use a real horse who charges up and down the sideline, which is kind of cool, but also kind of cruel.

8. Rocky -- Sydney Roosters
Why did the Rooster cross the road? Because OH MY GOD, KILL THAT THING!!!

Mark Kolbe via Getty Images
He's so ugly, he's running away from himself.

7. Claws -- Penrith Panthers
Not even cat ladies find this kitty attractive. As for the eyewear...

Mark Kolbe via Getty Images
No, no, no, no, no.

6. Novo -- Newcastle Knights
Make. That. thing. Go. Away. Now.

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And they wonder why the Knights haven't won a match in years.

5. Victor the Viking -- Canberra Raiders
A viking with porn star mo' and white gloves. Uh-huh. Not creepy at all.

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Does Ragnar wear WHITE GLOVES in the TV show Vikings? Well, DOES HE?

4. Egor -- Manly Sea Eagles
Why hang with the kids when you can chat up the cheerleaders?

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So what's a nice cheerleader like you doing at a game like this? GET AWAY FROM ME, BIRD.

3. Reggie -- South Sydney Rabbitohs
Man and bunny. Bunny and man. Cory Bernardi just had two heart attacks.

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For those who don't know, the "Rabbitohs" were men who sold rabbits in tough times in Sydney around the turn of the 20th century, then went on to form a football team. Little did anyone realise it would come to this.

2. MC Hammerhead and Reefy -- Cronulla Sharks
Reefy's OK but the other guy must be turned into fish and chips IMMEDIATELY.

Cameron Spencer via Getty Images
Won't somebody please think of the children?

1. Tiki -- New Zealand Warriors
We need a lie down. This is disturbing on so many levels.

Hannah Peters via Getty Images
We've seen more attractive zombies.

*This reporter is a Tigers fan, just so you know.

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