They say only a bad workman blames his tools, but we have no shame in publicly blaming the single bed for most of our terrible sexual experiences.
The single mattress may be suitable for sleeping on, but it quickly becomes a logistical limb-related nightmare when you add another person into the mix - and that’s before you’ve even started bumping and grinding.
Here are 12 struggles that everyone has when trying to have sex in a single bed.
1. Feeling like you’re in your childhood bed regardless of location.
2. Being unable to keep all limbs on the bed at any one point.
3. Choosing between your nose being pressed against the wall or in a bodily crevice.
4. Knocking over any items that were stupidly placed on the bedside table.
5. Having to declare your next intended move before attempting to actually execute.
6. Ending up on the floor every single time.
7. Suffering carpet burns because the world is cruel and unfair.
8. Resorting to missionary because it is space efficient.
9. Catching yourself on the scolding radiator, which is ALWAYS right next to the bed.
10. Stopping half-way through to deal with the inevitable leg cramp.
11. Conducting pillow talk with only one pillow to share.
12. Wanting to get as far away as possible to drop your core body temperature, having no escape.
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