Just because marriage is one of the most important decisions a person can make, doesn’t mean it needs to be taken so, so seriously all the time.
Allow the 23 tweets below to serve as a reminder that married life is very much a laughing matter.
My wife found a spider in the shower.
Anyway, the open house is this Saturday if you're interested.
My husband just went on a late night Taco Bell run because we are not in college anymore, but we like to maintain the lifestyle.
I'm never more nervous than when I insist we're out of something and my wife goes to look for it herself.
If you think you might enjoy getting yelled at from another room for chewing too loud, maybe give marriage a try.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 18, 2017
My wife has literally everything in her purse. Today I needed tissues, a hammer, peanut butter and dice and she had 2 of each.— Dan (@Social_Mime) September 18, 2017
*"Eye of the Tiger" plays as I get ready to tell my wife I don't want to go to brunch*— Josh (@iwearaonesie) September 29, 2017
My husband's favorite thing about me is probably how I circle his fast food for possible leftovers like a hyena.— ☠Mommy Cusses☠ (@mommy_cusses) September 15, 2017
*walking into store*— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 17, 2017
Him: You need a cart?
Me: No, I'm just getting 2 things.
Him: *rolls eyes, grabs cart*
Marriage level: Expert
[after sex]— rob HELLiott (@rockymomax) September 20, 2017
WIFE: whatcha thinkin about?
ME: (very seriously) a dog playing a saxophone
If you've never rage-folded a load of laundry then you either don't have kids or don't have a husband.— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 1, 2016
If your marriage can survive building an IKEA dresser together, it can survive anything.— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) September 29, 2017
“Calm down,” I say to my wife, five seconds before my brain has a chance to talk me out of it.— Meh, Interrupted (@TheAlexNevil) September 28, 2017
My husband won't let me pick up wood at Home Depot because he doesn't want it scratched or bent but I can take care of his children daily.— bubble girl (@JessObsess) June 20, 2017
Me: *yells something— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 2, 2017
Wife: I can't hear you
Me: *whispers something under my breath
Wife: I heard that!!
My wife asked me to get up early tomorrow to pick something up from the grocery store.— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) September 17, 2017
Wife (the next morning): You actually did that?
A haiku for my husband...— Morgan💕 (@MAB1013) June 13, 2017
Your whiskers are black
The porcelain sink is white
Are you fucking blind?
[clothes shopping]— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 1, 2017
Wife: What do you think about this outfit?
Me: Those are clothes.
Wife: *death glare*
Me: Those are... not clothes?
Understanding marriage is simply understanding that your wife's feet will always be cold— Mr. Hook (@Phook75) September 28, 2017
[At Home Depot]— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 19, 2017
Wife: Why don't you just ask someone where to find it?
Me: I'd rather die.
Conversations with my husband..— TwistedDoodles (@twisteddoodles) September 20, 2017
'Why is it so hard to stay fit as a parent?' followed by 'If the kids ever go to sleep can we order pizza?'
My husband has denim sweatpants.— Coffee lovin' mom (@Coffee_lovinmom) August 26, 2017
I said for better or for worse, but I didn't anticipate this.
Asked my husband to bring me a cookie. He brought me the whole box. We're soul mates.— Winosaurus Mom 🍷 (@winosaurusmom) September 29, 2017
Being married with kids is just this:— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 11, 2017
Him: Let's watch a movie.
Me: Ok! *falls asleep*