We apologise to anyone who may have realised we missed possibly the most explosive episode of 'The Bachelorette' so far which saw Sophie saying goodbye to Luke, an incredibly handsome frontrunner.
We were too, as the kids would say, shook AF to even begin to piece things together. That being said, so were the bachelors, as they mourned Luke's departure and most likely eventual appearance on 'Bachelor In Paradise'.
Uncle Sam deemed himself "the next frontrunner" which is like Abraham Lincoln calling himself the best audience member the theatre has ever seen. Don't get too ahead of yourself mate.
Thankfully the most handsome magician in the house, Apollo, nabbed the single date. Uncle Sam called the muscular, handsome and kind Apollo "a dark horse" which is fine if you think the definition of "dark horse" is "perfect man".
If Sophie and Apollo weren't attractive enough their date basically involved getting into a pen full of puppies. They decided to do "Doga" which, before you get too excited, is doggy yoga. A woman wandered over to Apollo and Sophie and spritzed them with "love spray", something that'll get you kicked out of a Coles.
The pair did yoga with two of the fluffiest, cutest dogs and we stress-ate an entire tub of ice cream because of all the feelings.
Sophie and Apollo shared stories about being creative types. "I used to have a mouse costume and one time I just sat really still for hours," Sophie admitted. "My best friend was a girl and we used to hunt fairies," Apollo told her.
Honestly this is why no one likes creative types.
Back at the house Blake, one of the few boys yet to have a single date with Sophie, was concerned he wasn't getting enough time with her. He greeted her on the group date by telling her she had a "sick outfit". Men are so strange.
Osher informed the bachelors that they were about to compete in a boat race. Jarrod, the most competitive bachelor in history, was ready to throw his own team into the ocean.
"GO, GO, GO, GO" Jarrod screamed at everything on the boat. "GO, GO, GO" he shouted at a pile of ropes. Meanwhile Blake decided to give Sophie a massage.
"I love competition," Jarrod said before noting that the ocean was wet and the sky was blue. "I love competition," Jarrod said like Scrooge McDuck would admit to loving money.
Unfortunately, despite all his incessant screaming at a bunch of ropes, Jarrod didn't win the alone time, Blake did.
As they sipped champagne on the front of a boat in the gorgeous Sydney Harbour Blake looked at Sophie and said, "I really want to kiss you now". Then he turned back to the harbour and stared directly into the sun, searing his eyes as the awkwardness set in of not actually kissing her.
It was awkward as hell and such a huge missed opportunity for ol' Blakey boy.
Surprisingly this episode featured a THIRD date, possibly because Blake's alone time was so awkward and boring (for both Sophie AND us) Sophie gave Sam his second date. Remember the "double delight rose"? The one Sam wouldn't shut up about? Well he finally got his second single date.
"It's like so tacky it's awesome," Sophie said either describing the hummer limo she picked him up in or his hair.
As Sophie and Sam drove through the countryside in a stretch hummer he kept talking about all his actor friends, his voice over work and how he basically is the best music producer in Australia. Sophie was so impressed she could barely make a facial impression.
Then she took him to play some connect four in a field because Sam is basically what would happen if a teenager had fallen in a coma in the '90s and only just woke up. "Radical, I am so good at Connect Four! Cowabunga dudette!"
The date went on as Sophie tried to quiz Sam about his intentions and why he decided to be on the show. Was it for fame? Was it for her? Was it for the bromance between him and Blake? Whatever it was, Sophie wasn't feeling the vibe and DIDN'T give Sammy a rose on their games date.
As Sophie entered the cocktail party Jarrod described her as "Black Swan all over," a film where Natalie Portman wants to be so good at ballet she goes crazy and dies. Okay mate.
We then had to talk about Jarrod's love plant for ANOTHER DAY. The good news, however, is that his little plant was finally growing. "Oh, mine's like massive... mine's overtaken yours but it's still good," she said pitifully.
Blake and Sam had a really weird chat where they both decided that they'd love to be the final two because they both believe Sophie would be "safe" in the other's hands. It was... kind of creepy and weird.
Speaking of weird: this rose ceremony was BONKERS.
Two bachelors weren't going to get roses and quickly Jarrod, Stu and James all joined Apollo in the rose brigade, leaving Blake, Sam and AJ behind. There were a few swear words (sorry Ryan, we know you don't like swears!) as she dropped an immense bombshell.
Sophie dismissed AJ because, like who cares. Then she approached Sam and Blake, the two remaining bachelors. "Do I know the real you, Sam?" "Blake, most of our time together I didn't think you liked me," she said to both of them.
She then walked back to the rose and... gave it to Blake!!!!
It was the end for Uncle Sam who could Connect Four but couldn't connect the dots.Suggest a correction